Elon: For the Birds

Noah Davila, Editor-In-Chief

Elon Musk has started his reign of Twitter and I couldn’t be happier. Now we can watch as Elon’s inability to lead with any coherency ends up with him Tweeting from whatever blue-checked abyss he develops. It’s pointless to give a rundown of all the changes he is implementing, because he is constantly back stepping on his decisions and slathering on a thick layer of unfunny meme irony so that any criticism against him can be countered with “It’s not that deep, bro.” 


The free-speech champion, Elons professed passion, has seen a confusing campaign unravel at twitter. He said parody accounts were allowed, then banned parodies of himself, meanwhile verified troll accounts are tweeting business into the ground by promising free insulin (RIP Eli Lilly). He said twitter would be put behind a paywall, then it wasn’t. Verification would be $20, and then 8$ after Steven King went off on him. Then there would be gray checkmarks for organization, but this too was soon nixed. Apparently there are a million different factions working within the walls of Twitter HQ and no matter how many people Elon fires, he doesn’t control one of them. If there’s a brightside to this, twitter just secured an ad deal with a major client, SpaceX. 


Who could have seen this coming? How could Elon, the real life Tony Stark be able to fumble an app that’s already been built into a juggernaut? Because he isn’t what he sells himself as. He isn’t a genius, innovator, or tech mogul. He’s just good at branding. HE jumps from project to project, abandoning what does not work and taking credit for what does (regardless of who is actually responsible). Most people don’t even know he didn’t actually found tesla, he just bought the title when he acquired it. Anything that could genuinely be considered his brain child is usually  failure or a gimmick. Hyperloops. Supposedly the answer to America’s infrastructure problems is an even more costly, dangerous, and impractical problem. His mission to mars was abandoned for a network of satellites that will one day blot out the night sky. Unless that fails too. Then our orbit will be decked out in billion dollar space junk, how pretty. And forget about neurolink. 


Elon fanboys, count your days because for once Elon wont have anywhere to hide his fumblings. Twitter is done for, I predict. And if Elon proves me wrong, I’ll buy a Tesla and drive it till its battery explodes. Luckily, that should be a short trip.